Tom’s of Maine’s deodorant doesn’t work. And I desperately want it to.

Let me tell you about one of the most peculiar brands around. Tom’s of Maine. Specifically its deodorant line.

If you’ve never heard of Tom’s of Maine, it’s a sweet brand to discover. “Tom and Kate Chappell moved to Maine from Philadelphia” in the late 60’s. Searching for a simpler, more healthy life, “They discovered the benefits of natural and unprocessed foods, and started looking for the same qualities in personal care products.”

Normally, Tom’s of Maine would be a brand to root for. There is no animal testing nor “artificial colors, flavors, fragrance or preservatives.” It’s a brand whose products I am curious about and will try over and over again because it says “Join us in keeping tubes out of landfills.”

It has a brand position, stating that its mission is to “help others live a more natural life.” But there are two things wrong. One, it keeps emphasizing that it’s been around since 1970, which has no emotional impact.

And, sadly, two, its deodorant is the equivalent of wiping a heap of grass under your arms each day. It sucks.

Can’t one all-natural deodorant work and keep my pits from stinking up the joint?

Seems not.

“I am eagerly waiting for one brand to keep me smelling fresh all day, while maintaining the healthy and environmentally conscious approach of Tom’s of Maine. And all I have tried have failed.”

Tom’s of Maine deodorant simply leaves me reeking

As I mentioned, I try Tom’s of Maine products, specifically its deodorant line for several reasons — I like the idea of being healthy, using non-aluminum based deodorant (which, it turns out, so are almost all deodorants), and as a vegetarian, non-animal tested products. These attributes speak to my personal condition. So, being a proponent of the Tom’s brand is an easy one for me.

But at the end of each day using its deodorant, I bloody stink. Like sautéed onions stink. Like, my clothes need to sit in bleach for a week stink.

What the crap? Or better. I smell Iike crap!

The all-natural deodorant line kills me in a thousand little pieces. I am eagerly waiting for one brand to keep me smelling fresh all day, while maintaining the healthy and environmentally conscious approach of Tom’s of Maine. And all I have tried have failed.

As is, I keep a cheap stick of Old Spice on hand on those extra smelly Tom’s trial days.

What a shame.