About two months back, I was waxing poetic about the increasingly popular Noom diet. I was all ga-ga about the program and thought it different than all the other fad diets. So much so I said it shouldn’t be called a fad.

Now a dozen weeks into the program, I’m offering a mea culpa. It was too good to be true — the honeymoon period is over, friends. The Noom brand bites big-time ass.

It began with such potential. The Noom diet considers the individual and prompts them to self-analysis. Dieters locate core beliefs and unlock a unique plan. This is developed through the Socratic method, which, as I mentioned in our last spin on Noom, is a commodity in our brand training.

Hit up Google and you’ll find skeptics of the diet. But my spin is a bit different.

The Noom diet simply wears you out

As you sink into the Noom diet process, you are given both an individual coach (who can text you within the app) and a group thread moderated by an additional coach. Before too long, my Noom inbox was blowing up like a pan of Jiffy-Pop. The first day or two was fine. But damn, after a week, it grew annoying and time-consuming. What’s more, several of the posts from the individual coach were canned responses.

“I had such hopes for the Noom diet because of its personality-based model. Instead, it’s just a marketing ploy, guaranteed to annoy you. Guess it doesn’t know much about my personality after all.”

Soon enough, I wrote my coach pleading with her to communicate less and to take me off the group board. They obliged, thankfully. Because it was driving me insane.

The biggest joke, however, are the daily health readings. Those on the Noom diet are provided with four to five health articles and quizzes a day, all peppered with overly witty copy.

Superficially, this seems fine. But after a month, Noom sucks the life right out of ya. Believe me. The Noom diet is just like the emotional vampire from What We Do in the Shadows TV show. It throws every little tidbit about health your way in the hope that something will stick. Soon enough, the dieter taps out, drained of all interest.

I had such hopes for the Noom diet because of its personality-based model. Instead, it’s just a marketing ploy, guaranteed to annoy you. Guess it doesn’t know much about my personality after all.