Shit. NECCO wafers. It’s over.

Tom Dougherty, CEO – Stealing Share

12 April 2018

The loss of NECCO wafers

NECCO Wafers. All value comes from scarcity.

NECCO wafersFor years now, we have been telling our clients that value in the world comes from scarcity. Diamonds are valuable because they are rare. Gold is valuable because it is hard to find. NECCO wafers are valuable because they are closing the plant.

There is no other reason to covet the chalky texture and terrible flavors.

This happened a while back with Twinkies. Remember when Twinkies were going out of business? Suddenly, like folks stocking up on flour, milk, and sugar before a hurricane, all the Twinkies disappeared,

It’s important to remember that Twinkies was shuttering because sales had declined. In other words, the market tired of the eternal snack (you know, Twinkies NEVER go stale).

No one loves NECCO Wafers

They are so unpopular that I can’t remember any of them showing up in my grandkid’s Halloween loot.

I can’t wait for the comments on this post. The people who can’t live without NECCO wafers (where did that name come from?) will demand I take back my comments. It’s akin to John Lennon saying the Beatles were more popular than Jesus. Sacrilege.

Never mind that sales of the disgusting candy have tanked.

“Loss of our heritage. NECCO wafers are going away. I’m devastated. Not.”

 

They will be back

Don’t worry. All the NECCO wafer spin will save the brand. Some idiot company will buy the rights and make enough of these communion wafers to pave Main Street at Disney.

And that’s all they’re good for. After the fervor over the plant closing and the zombie apocalypse mentality that promoted the feeding frenzy— sales will dry up again.

Why are NECCO wafers going away?

Because they taste terrible. No one likes them. I hate them. You hate them. We all hate them.

Hardtack and NECCO wafersSure, they have been around since the Civil War. But so has hardtack. I don’t see anyone rushing through supermarket aisles looking for it.

Paula Dean has not released a Southern Living hardtack cookbook.

Just like hardtack, NECCO wafers NEED to be retired. Let’s face it, there is not enough hydrogenated oil in them for today’s tastes. We covet gooey, not chalky.

The newest heirloom

NECCO wafersSo, expect NECCO wafer support groups. Safe rooms where NECCO junkies can congregate and share needles.

Facebook will run a NECCO wafer support group page. The Alaskan Bush family will survive for an entire season on nothing but the chalky treat.

The season won’t last forever. It will just seem like it.

NECCO wafers will never go away. They will be interred in building cornerstones, and time capsules. Remember, the demise of the Twinkie was a false alarm too.

Hell, I may pick up a box or two and leave them for my grandkids when they graduate from college. My God. What’s next? Mary Janes?

See more posts in the following related categories: Brand closing Candy NECCO going out of business NECCO wafers Twinkies

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