Tis’ the season. Unfortunately.
I’d like to put that “unfortunately” in giant bold letters with three or four exclamation points and a few underlines to boot, but I have my standards.
Don’t worry, I am not being a scrounge. So just relax. I am not taking a shot at Christmastime, not in any shape or form whatsoever. Christmas happens to be my favorite time of year, more now as it is also the birthday of my granddaughter. Just saying.
Nope, I am alluding to what has become the pinnacle of annoying times as a shopper. The grand ole’ time when everything under the sun has become infused with pumpkin spice. Gag me now.
This whole trend had a modicum of pleasantness at first. Sure, I liked a latte from Starbucks, especially when the ingredients in it were entirely real (so they said) and not artificial.
But the dyke spewed forth. A deluge of products — ludicrous ones at that — hit shelves everywhere. Consider the repulsiveness of the following:
- Boulder Canyon Pumpkin Pie Kettle Cooked Potato Chips
- Kellogg’s Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini Wheats
- Pumpkin Spice Oreos
- Bert’s Bees Pumpkin Spice Lip Balm
- Extra Pumpkin Spice Gum
It’s like a car wreck. You don’t want to look, but oh man it’s so bad. You just can’t peel your eyes away.
Is this the zenith of the Pumpkin Spice Apocalypse?
I would give anything to make it go away. As Forbes indicated, however, the movement has become a $500 million niche craze, thanks to Starbucks.
You’ve got to be kidding me.